I Know It’s Over

Published by Loft Books, LTD

Anthology II, July 2021

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I know it’s over.

Jeff Buckley’s voice

Echoing through my speakers

As I hold this new person

And hear my daughter give voice to the inanimate from the other room.

Heat breaks through my body, beads of moisture atop my upper lip. 

My fingers, welcoming autocorrect as they shake over these words.

I wonder if it’s these hormones rushing through

Or the reality of now.

Or the over saturation that’s delayed my next meal.

Or the wine that helped me delay these feelings.

The crossroads before this next step.

To feel it fully and allow the wave of panic and grief

Or to keep it at bay—

To batten the floodgates 

in the name of sovereignty and reign. 

Whatever the name is

I am now drenched

With the sweat of it all.

The salt water pushing through—

If not in emotion, then in waves over my body.

I will eat, drink something to satiate... 

an offering to the gods to keep them at bay.

To welcome play. 

To quiet the madness. For now.

“Be in this world, not of it” I hear

As “I know it’s over” fades.